MrsMommyCEO

Moving!

I've decided that the time has come for me to cut some cost and so I'm moving my lovely blog over to blogger. Customization is just about complete and I hope to start posting there regularly this week....

http://mrsmommyceo.blogspot.com/

So update your links and readers! I'll be closing out this blog at the end of the week!

Coincidence

"Coincidence is Gods way of remaining anonymous" ~Albert Einstein

I've looked at life much differently since I stopped believing in coincidences. I had an interesting experience with one this morning....

Last week I sat in church and I was somewhat captivated by a woman sitting in the front. I watched her as we sang songs of worship and praise, I saw her sing along and sway with the music, then I watched her raise her hands to the Lord. I told someone afterward how much I admired her, for the fact that she didn't seem the least bit worried about what anyone around her thought of her actions. I wondered what that would feel like, to not fear the judgement of others.

I said at the time that I didn't know if I had ever been struck by the desire to raise my hands in worship, however I wanted to know that if I ever felt compelled to do so, that I would DO IT without thought to those around me. And thinking about that now, I ask myself, what am I afraid of... that someone would say, "wow, she's really into this God stuff"... well actually, yes I am! So stepping out and acting on my faith in a very visible way is not a negative thing and I need to stop viewing it that way.

Fast forward to this morning... The same woman was sitting down in front and I was again struck by her actions. I had asked God in my prayers just this morning to give me a boldness in my faith, to live it in actions as well as thoughts and words.

And then the service closed with a song, one I'm sorry to say I do not know the name of, but it had a line that went something like "So I'll stand, with arms high and heart abandonded, in awe, of the One who gave it all." And it hit me like a ton of bricks that God was giving me an opportunity and in a way, I think He was calling on me to be obedient. I stood there and I KNEW what I had to do and I just knew that there was no way I was going to walk out of church having passed up this chance.

I didn't gather up the courage until halfway through the song, when our worship leader gave encouragement to the entire congregation to raise our hands to the Lord... and I knew this was my shot and I had to take it. I knew that I had to face my fear of standing out, my fear of being judged, and praise the Lord in exactly the way He was asking me to....

And I did it... but actually that's wrong, because I can't take the credit, God did it. The Holy Spirit within me gave me the strength to face my fears. And even though to some it may seem so small or so silly, for me, it was a small step in the right direction, in God's direction. It was a step towards breaking through the fear that I carry around with me everyday, and choosing instead to walk in faith and obedience.

God's hears us, He sees us and He is working in our lives to give us the chance to know Him and to love Him. I am humbled and grateful that He gave me one such opportunity today.

Mellow...

Now there's a word you'll almost never hear in conjunction with me. I am NOT mellow by any stretch of the imagination, however I feel that in the passed few years, I have become more mellow than ever before.

Evidence:

I'm not a fan of dirt in general and sand is even worse... but I've learned as a parent that the absolute joy on my son's face as he showers himself in sand is worth the afternoon bath and extra run of the vacuum. 

And boy oh boy, does he love sand. I cannot wait to see him on the beach because I think he'll just love it. Logan can spend forever just digging, throwing, and dumping sand. I also love that he is so independent in that way, he's content to play on his own, a skill that I've realized it so important for children.

Over the passed 8 years of parenthood, my children have taught me that rigid and perfect just aren't very much fun! Letting go of some of me has opened me up to seeing the world through their eyes, to see the wonder and the joy in little things... even dirt!

Desperately seeking organization

Normally I count myself a pretty organized person, some might go so far as to say freakishly, annoyingly organized. I just like things in order, everything in it's place and all that jazz

However lately, I've lost my knack for organized and my mind and my space seem messy because of it. I'm on the hunt for a new routine that will work within the parameters of my busy and demanding life and it's just alluding me. Each day seems to follow the same general pattern, but within that framework, I don't have a lot of established "time" for certain things.

One of my biggest struggles right now is keeping track of the thousand different things that I have to do. Most things break into these categories... Work (Creative), Work (Paperwork/Accounting), House (cleaning/meal planning), Misc (School stuff, Appts, Church). The problem is I can't find a way to keep track of each of these different areas of my life with any workable solution. I recently thought I hit on a great idea, from SimpleMom, to create a Home Management Notebook. The theory being that you keep everything in one organized place and then refer there daily.

But have you seen my desk? Space is not something I have available for a huge open 3 ring binder... and yes, it would have to be open. If things aren't starring me in the face, they simply do not get used.

So now I have a new idea, shamelessly stolen from the fabulous Ali Edwards. In a recent tour of her office, she showed a clipboard system that she had for ongoing projects and the idea is one that I've been thinking about ever since. The beauty of this for me is that I can have things out in the open, where I'm less likely to ignore them, but that they are still neat and organized within their "categories" because it's hard for me to scan down one large to do list. I feel mentally schizophrenic when I have to balance my checkbook, then clean the bathroom, and then go defrost chicken for dinner! My mind works best when it can get in one mode, be it work, kids, cleaning and then stay there, getting more than one thing done. The more I jump around, the less I get done.

Here is a link to the post where you can see Ali's set-up, and if you are anything like me, you'll find a thousand other ideas to steal from her!

Now the only problem I have is a visual one... you see, my "desk" is actually located smack in the middle of my living room, right next to my kitchen. Don't believe me?

And yes, my desk is actually a kitchen table because my real desk was too big for the space... oh how I miss my desk... all that glorious space!

So now I just need to convince my husband that it's a good idea to hang clipboards in our living room. I'm sure he'll go for it, I mean if I can convince him that a desk in the living room is a good idea, then the sky is really the limit!

Back to Blogging

Yes, I know it's been months since I've blogged regularly. Trust me, I haven't forgotten my blog, I've actually been practicing a new form of blogging, where I compose full posts in my head and never get the time to actually write them out or where I forget what I wanted to say when I do have time.

I've actually had a lot to say lately too, so it's a shame that I haven't been able to get any of it out of my head and on to this blog. But lately I've felt a real pull to make the commitment to my blogging... for anyone who cares to read it and for myself. Putting my thoughts down in writing has been something that I've always loved and have something that I find incredibly therapeutic.

Sometimes what has kept my from blogging are the negative comparisons that I make between myself and other bloggers... especially those I admire. I tell myself that I'm not as funny as they are, I don't have the time to post the photos that they do, I'm not as good with words, and the worst one, that I have nothing to say that anyone wants to hear. I tear myself down with these negative thoughts and I keep myself from doing something that I really enjoy.

But I feel God pulling on different strings in my life, calling me to live my life OUT LOUD... to live a life that is a testimony to His love and His grace, both of which completely abound in my life. I am so inspired by the witness and testimony of others, by the effortlessness of their faith and the transparency with which they share it. I often think that I want to be more like that, less scared and more confident. And every journey starts with a single step...

So this blog is my first step, to sharing ME... who I am. I'm so excited!

A-ha!

Have you ever had a moment where something you've been literally "chewing" on just suddenly clicks? A moment so profound in your own mind that you actually stop and smile?

God blessed me with such a moment this morning and I have to share it somewhere, with someone, in the hopes that maybe it's a concept that someone else has been pondering as well.

I have a habit of making my life into checklists.... do this, do that, go here. It's how I cope, how I keep it all together. And there have been moments of frustration where I've said to God, please just tell me what to do, just show me what's next on the list! I knew in my heart that this was not what God wanted from me, but for the life of me I couldn't seem to remove my faith from this perspective. I stopped myself constantly from saying to myself: Morning prayers-CHECK, Bible study homework-CHECK, Scripture memory: CHECK. That's just how my mind works.

And this morning, I realized my error. Praise the Lord, I see the Light. Faith is not a thing, Faith is a relationship. Quoting from my personal journal....

Faith is a relationship, not a checklist. It is the ultimate relationship in our lives. One that must be nurtured and cared for. It does require effort, but effort based on love, not obligation. It requires the investment of our hearts, our souls, our minds and our time. It is the ultimate relationship, the paramount, which must be placed before all others and from which will flow the grace needed in every other aspect of our lives.

My practical application of this was to look at my relationship with my husband. I do not do things for him out of obligation, I have no mental checklist. I have never once thought: Kiss good morning: CHECK, Hug in kitchen: CHECK, Offer to go to Post office: CHECK, Have heart-to-heart conversation: CHECK. I do these things because I LOVE him. I invest in our relationship, with my heart, my soul, my mind and my time. I need to give God the same love, at the very least.

I also know that this relationship is literally built on foundations that I already understand. I must learn to communicate, TO LISTEN, to respect, honor, obey. I must learn to TRUST and BELIEVE without question or fear. God desires fellowship with us... and I think I finally truly understand what the means and how the actually looks in my life!

Thank you Lord!

Little Sir

 

I realized today that my youngest son has a new nickname, one that is so fitting in my opinion, that I catch myself calling him by it more and more often. Little Sir. Which may sound strange, but in our house (where I am the only girl amongst 4 boys) the term sir is very common.

My 4 year old and I have a running joke, whenever he does something for me, I always respond in a very deep and formal voice and say, "Thank you sir". To which he replies, "Your welcome ma'am". So because my four year old is Sir, his younger brother could only be Little Sir.

 

And believe me, this little sir is an ornery one indeed. But he's just so cute, most of the time I can't help but scoop him up for hugs and kisses. He's now infamous for using everything from boxes, to ride-on trucks, to people in order to hoist himself up on to the couches. And when he gets there, oh you've never seen a baby beam with pride the way that he does. He's discovered the trash can, and not only does he love to take things out, but he loves to put things in! It's hilarious to constantly look in the trash can before you throw anything away to make sure there are no sippy cups or little people that need rescuing!

 

Charming should have been his middle name, because he has a smile and a sideways glance that will just melt your heart. He catches people's eye in stores and makes them smile or in the case of one lady in line behind us, play peek-a-boo. His giggle can make just about anyone turn and smile. He's truly just delightful and joyous (and of course I'm not at all bias!)

I am so eager to see the little boy that he will become and I am humbled and grateful to be along for the ride.

I miss scrapping...

I'm a little melancholy today, lazing around with a horrible cold, and I just really feel like I want to try to make some time to scrap every once and a while. Browsing the galleries a bit today has me thinking of all the time I waste... watching bad reality tv, playing silly facebook games, and obsessively tidying up... if I added all that up, I would have more time for work and at least a little time for scrapping.

Another thing I realizes, while reading Stacy Julian's Big Picture Scrapbooking is that scrapping is NOT a bad use of my time. It can be a very positive thing in your life if you make sure you go into it with the right frame of mind and attitude. One thing that she emphasizes is, is that being a scrapper makes you stop and look at like differently. You catch meaningful little moments, you take more photos, and you appreciate the details. Looking at it from that perspective makes me see this hobby in a new light. It also makes me want to jump back in, a little.

I'll be the first to admit that I took on too much before and my motivations became a little skewed and all it did was turn scrapping into a chore and an obligation, it made my creative outlet a competition for me and all of this added up to a real negative.

Now I've never been motivated by "memory-keeping" per se, I began scrapping for the amazing creative outlet that it was, for the fun that I had doing it and the skills that it enabled me to explore as a graphic designer. One of the wonderful side-effects was that I was taking more photos, I was learning to use my camera, and I was gaining a little confidence that I was enjoying something that I was pretty good at.

But there is a competitive side to scrapbooking that I think will eat you up, if you let it. I think it takes a very strong person to browse the galleries and not compare their work to others. And let's not even get started on comparing teams. These were the things that were stealing the joy of scrapping from me. Now maybe some people aren't effected by these things and I think that's wonderful for them, but I am ever the over-achiever and in trying to be "the best", I just completely lost all the positive benefits.

So this time, I think I can come in a little more seasoned. I'm not so wide-eyed and new... and I know what to avoid and what things will only drag me down.

We'll see if I can make the changes that I need to in order to take advantage of one of God's greatest blessings... time. We chose how we spend every single second and I know that overall, I can make better choices and I'll reap the benefits of that. Because really, 10 years from now am I going to remember that I watched Top Chef every time it was on... or will I remember the memories that I make with my family because I have the pages to show for it. Will it matter that I was finally able to beat my mom's score on Pathwords... or will it matter that I was able to use my God-given talents and opportunities to run my own business, provide for my family, and stay home with my children. I know that I have to make better choices.

Randomness and Routine

First a random photo of my youngest son that I absolutely love...
 
And what's he chewing on you ask? The string from my sweatpants! Do you know how much time I spend trying to keep him from eating strings on my hoodies and sweatpants?!? He caught me here because I was more focused on getting him to stand still for a photo than actually watching what he was doing!

In my quest to be more efficient with my time, I'm starting to realize my total lack of a routine... when did this happen I wonder? I'm a creature that requires structure, habit, and consistency... I do not "wing-it", nor do I go with the flow. I like to know what's coming and what's required of me next. So how is it that I've lost all sense of a routine in my life?

Don't get my wrong, my day has a pattern and some general structure, but these have developed over the general necessities of life. I get up, get the kids fed and make sure anyone that will be leaving the house is out of their pjs. I get kids to school, make meals, bring kids home from school, clean up meals, pick up toys... but all of this comes from the natural demands of life. All the free time in between these activities is getting lost or wasted. I think I generally have a habit at looking at any amount of time less than 30 mins as useless and this is contributing to my frustration.

For instance, if it's 11:15 and I know that my youngest son will be up around 11:35, then I end up spending those 20 mins surfing the internet or playing games on facebook. If you add up all the 20 min gaps of time in my day, it adds up to a LOT of time. I realize that I'm not going to get the 3 hour block of time that I crave to do all my work at once... but I'm realizing that THIS is my life, I have to embrace it, not wake up every morning frustrated about the things or the time or the nanny that I do not have.

I've been known to say that I can't work in small chunks of time and I'm realizing this is a cop out on my part. Of course no one would choose to work this way... actually, I take that back... Because in truth I actually am choosing to work this way. I'm choosing to own and run my business while raising a family and running a house. So newsflash to me: Either I learn how to work in small chunks of time, or I stop working... what an epiphany!

The more I think on this, the more I am coming up with ways to adapt the things I need to do into a new type of routine. Instead of listing "Balance checkbooks" on my to-do list (which is typically a 45 min-1 hour activity for me), I have to break it down in to more manageable items... pay bills, update personal checkbook, update business checkbook... all of which can be accomplished in individual 20 min segments.

I'm really feeling very encouraged about learning to love the life I have and embrace it... instead of yearning for a life that I don't think I would really want if I had it. I believe that God gives us the things that we need, because He knows what is best for us... so in this instance, I'm going to appreciate all the wonderful blessings in my life and work on enjoying them and finding ways to make them all co-exist.

Back in the swing of things

In keeping with one of my 2009 goals, I was up at 6 am this morning and headed towards a hot cup of coffee and some quiet time with my Bible... and of course the little man had other ideas. I don't know if it's my alarm clock that wakes him up or if he just senses something but me getting up early normally equals him getting up early, which means my other two inevitably wake up early... there is a very large domino effect that I'm working to overcome here!

Ideally, by March when my husband starts back to work, I would like to be waking up at 5 am... yeah, yeah, stop laughing. But it's realistically what I have to do in order to get up, showered and steal even 20 mins to myself before the rest of the house wakes up. However now I'm secretly terrified that Logan will start waking at 5 am and I'm just not sure my patience can withstand that!

I rolled with the punches this morning, kids up early, a shouting match over tooth brushes, and an overtired little boy... and hey, I still managed to accomplish some work!

Work... I haven't said much lately, but that's not because I'm not thinking about it. I'm actually more focused on work right now then I have been in a very long time. We are moving forward in a new direction and I'm so excited and energized to be the driving force behind our direction again.

So now it's off to fight one of my biggest nemesis'... naptime... oh not for the kids, for me! It's my guiltiest pleasure, I love a good afternoon catnap and breaking the habit is SO SO SO hard, but so necessary. Wish me luck!